Finding Erica – Part I

Published by eGal | Filed under Life

I am very inspired tonight. So much so that I have decided to come clean with myself. I have also decided to share this part of my life with people in my life. Let them be my witness. And probably after that, I shall start writing my manuscript…

In my 26 years of life, I was always clear about who I wanted to be, not someone whom I should or can be. I led a powerful life, expressing myself freely, a great leader, great friend, great person! I live the life I wanted, despite being in an environment that did not provide me with agreement. But all that was lost when…

As I start to pen this post, I started to think, trying to remember. Remember dreams that I once dreamt of, remember passion that I once lived on, remember the fresh air that I once breathed, remember all the goodness of friends and of family…Hope this rendition of Try To Remember by Mike Strickland will spark off some rememberance in you too.

A dream of mine was to have a creative business. At the age of 23, I started a small events and design company, Cre-A’Zon Pte Ltd, with the support of 3 good friends. It was great! Things were sailing well for the initial 1.5 years. I worked hard and well. And then, I got too adventurous. I fell, terribly and hardly. For the last 6 months before I finally come to term with the fact that I have to let it go, I was running away from it all – from the situation, investors (who are mostly friends), suppliers, friends, family and myself. I hid. I was in depression. I did not want to go anywhere, talk to anyone or do anything. I wanted to die. I could not live with my failure and I have no courage to face the whole situation. I have no idea what I can, should or want to do.

Friends were very supportive. I am really thankful for the group of friends who were always there supporting me, pulling me through the most difficult times of my life. I discovered my faith in Christianity. I got back on my feet after much support from friends. But that was that. I was still running away, not facing the situation truthfully. For the 1st time in my life, I was being very inauthentic to myself and everyone else.

A meet up with a friend at his father’s funeral opened up a whole new world for me. The company which he’s with is hiring and he thought I may suit the position. I needed a job. He was kind enough to hook me up for an interview. I got the job and by mid Feb 06, I started work. At that moment, 6 months ago, I just wanted to get a job, work and then plan out the workability for my failed business and my debts. But the whole situation has took an unexpected turn.

I was to be an Associate Producer at Resonance, an emarketing firm. Without any emarketing experience, HTML or programming skills and with a highest academic qualification of GCE O Levels, my boss hired me. She hired me not knowing of my failed business. She hired me based on what she saw in me. When she communicated that to me, I told myself, this is where I should start all over again. I shall be Erica once again from this moment onwards. I did. I worked hard and learned hard. And in a couple of months, I found back zest and life.

I also started to get myself present to my failed business, communicating to partners, investors, suppliers, clients and friends. I realised when I did that, I have actually caused a lot of anxiety and hurt to these people when I failed to communicate with them exactly what had happened. I was really upset with myself for that and it really took me alot of courage to face up to everyone. I started to plan out my repayment plan for the debts. Although my company was a Pte Ltd but I know I won’t be able to live with myself if I just allow the company’s debts to suppliers, etc remain unpaid. Now, I am glad and proud to say that with kind understanding and support from suppliers and friends, I am steadily repaying the debts. It will take me about 5 years to clear off everything.

I used to be very disempowered and upset whenever I thought of only being able to clear off my debts in 5 years and the fact that I have to lead a very stringent life with only a couple of hundred dollars a month. I can say now, that, I am not. I am actually very happy right now, at my present stage.

Curious to find out why? Stay Tuned for “Finding Erica – Part II”